The brainstorm started with a question:
"What is it you need to do?"
"I just need to LOVE and Nurse."
"Really?!? Since you won't be nursing your whole life what will you do after you stop nursing..."
Talk about inspiring a train of thoughts. What will I do once I stop nursing.
Figuratively, in reality, metaphorically, I've thought about what I would do but I haven't really truly thought about it.
When I learned I was pregnant my first thought was "wow, I have to learn how to nurse because that's the best thing for a baby." Next came, "Oh my God, I'm going to be a MOM! Holy Shit! What do I do now?" The third thought was, "Don't fret Julie, if this baby chose you and Jorge it's for a reason, everything is as it should be." The immediate thought after that was, "Are you kidding me? you a mom, you absolutely are not ready, it's biologically the right time but you are just not ready." The final thought in this barrage of thoughts was, "The reason he chose you now was cause you are ready, emotionally, physically, mentally, you are ready and not only that you are with the right Man." At this stage in my life I could only think of and want to have one child, I never wanted my child to be an only child and thank God for for his father he's not, Max is one of Five phenomenal and beautiful siblings.
Max is my first and only birthed son and Jorge's fifth child. What a blessing it is to be in this enormously beautiful family! (you know, I didn't always feel that way).
On April 11th of this year we celebrated Max's second birthday, it would have been my aunt Kathy's 46th birthday. When Max born I stayed home with him until the day before we celebrated his 4th month of coming into the world. I went to work on August 11th and he went to stay with his grandma. Working from 9 am to 5 pm everyday kept me away from Max for too long. I remember one day being at work and my dear cousin was thinking they were doing me a favor by texting me pictures of my little boy and all I could do was cry cause I was not with him. I missed him so much when I was at work.
I would come home and play with him and then nurse him to sleep. I told myself I would only nurse until he was one and then a former colleague of mine suggested I try and go to 2 at least, "just take it one month at a time, but shoot for 2." A friend mentioned his mom nursed him until he was 3, and then I met a bunch of folks who were nursed until they were 2.5 and 3. I really didn't know what I was going to do but figured I shouldn't rule either just yet.
I come from a family of non nursers, I don't know for certain why this is the case but it is.
Women that are very close to me still are against it. In the past they had no qualms about expressing their displeasure to me and I have no qualms about shutting that down.
I remember once being out with some girlfriends and only one, I believe, was a mom and one was expecting and we talked about nursing and when I was going to stop and I said not yet. One of my girlfriends joked and said my son will be asking, "hey mom where's my milk?" Funny thing he says, "Mom, Max wants Milk, Mommy milk, not refrigerator milk." When I decided to nurse I decided to nurse on demand, not a schedule that I create but on his desired schedule and I continue to do this. I am very satisfied with my choice in this regard. When I was working the nursing was a selfish thing because it was our own private Mommy/Max moment where we would connect and I would be able to nurture him and have him close all at the same time and noone could interfere. All the things that took place in the day while we were apart would just fade away. It's our time.
It's such a blessing to be able to share that moment with my little boy.
Max is a very healthy and smart boy and I attribute the health and intellect to many things and one is breastmilk. I am of the school of thought that women have breasts to feed their young, that is the purpose of them. Sexuality is not the main reason for Breasts, LIFE is the reason.
I am currently unemployed and spend most days with my son and I continue to nurse, on demand. He drinks cow milk as well but he prefers "mommy milk." I saw Julia Roberts on Oprah this week and there was mention of her child asking for cow milk, they made it into a joke and didn't clarify but I daresay the baby was referencing Cow milk as opposed to "mommy milk." In these past two years I have not brought myself to taste the milk, I don't think that's kosher but with all the awesome and not so healthy food that I eat and the variety, the milk should always taste Tasty and different. Does that make sense? It does to me.
In the past two years Max has been so very healthy and strong. I attribute the healthy 70% to breastmilk. If I couldn't nurse because it was too painful I would find a way to pump but I would have to give him the milk, I must! I'm not very good at many things but this nursing thing, I got it down. I'm still learning how to be a better mom and a good partner and decent daughter, sister and granddaugher but this nursing thing, it's just like breathing.
As I type I am thinking of other woman who I experienced nursing and I would say once I saw a woman nursing at a mall in Ecuador and everyone around her was mortified. I use to see one of my dearest friends nurse her daughter and it was so natural and just embodied 'the right thing' and motherhood. It truly inspired me.
I know for sure I won't go past age 3 and I think that once I begin to potty train his thoughts and feelings about being nursed will change.
Now if you asked me about nursing when I was 29 I probably would have looked at you sideways and told you how crazy you are, if you would have asked me at 33 I would have said, "Eh, I'll see what that's about." But since I was 36 when my son was born and on my path to to that Transformative Journey, I was and still am all over it!
My son woke me up this morning with purple daisies that he chose from the store for me, he chose the greeting card his father bought for me and he came to the bed and said, "Mama, happy mother's day, look what Max got!" After he brushed his teeth tonight he said, "Mamalee, I love you so much!" During the course of my most favorite mother's day on record he said, "I'm so happy mamma! So happy!" "Mama Max is very excited, are you excited mama?" There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep that boys spirits healthy and strong.
What am I going to do once I stop nursing, I am going to Learn to LOVE better, yep, that is what I am going to do.
Happy Mother's Day to every single one of you reading this note because technically delivering a baby makes you a mother but in reality anyone who nurtures, coaches, likes, listens to,cures, celebrates, understand or just tries to understand, accepts, loves and lets go of their loved ones big and small is a mother.
LiveWell LoveMuch LaughOften
Namaste!
I don't have to hear your voice on the phone or see your face in my space to love you.
