First Draft:

3.3.12
I wrote the date on here yesterday morning and took a deep breathe but had nothing I wanted to share.

I had a basically normal Julie, the mom day yesterday.

March is always a powerful and nostalgic month for me. I was born March.

Last night my son went out to a birthday party with my sister and her family.  This was his first party without mom and he had such a great time.  It was Olivia's 5th birthday celebration and I've been wanting Max to hang out with Oli and her two brothers for a couple of years now, by a couple I literally mean two.  I went to hug two dear ladies in my life, at the Brooklyn Museum and was home by 11:00 pm.  Max has not stopped talking about how great the cake was or how awesome the party was.  He said to his dad this morning, as they brushed, "I sang happy birthday to my friend and it was fun. I started to be a little bit shy but then I wasn't shy anymore.  I ate a lot of cake, it was really good!"  What a conversation, what a moment.  I feel so honored and blessed to be Maximillian's mom and at the same time I'm like WHAT!? I'm Maximillian's mom.

Max is easily able to articulate his feelings.  At the ripe old age of 34 months, yes MONTHS, he can clearly identify what he is feeling and what his responses are and share.  It's amazing to me.  I know lots of it is coaching and I know that the most of it is that this is the person he was born to be.  It was not easy for me to let go and send my baby boy to a party with my sister and not go with him. It was tricky for me and a bit emotional.

I have been a stay at home mom now for a while and my attachment to my son is just as great as his attachment to me.  We spend every moment of every day together and I thank the Lord that we can.  I value the time and the opportunity and pray that my influence on him helps him to have the best life he can possibility have.  While speaking to an amazing mother last night, we both decided, we only do the best we can, and like Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better!"  My mom was a stay at home mom for most of my life and I know she always did and still does, only the best that she can.  I didn't turn out that bad, with her coaching, her love and therapy, in my later years, I have been able to live a pretty fabulous life.  I love, I laugh, I live.  I have so much experience and yet know nothing and am still growing.  I know these times will not return and the moments and the memories Max and I have created during this time will live in our souls always, in all of our lifetimes to come.  I only pray I am doing the appropriate things that will help him to thrive.

Last night I doubted for a minute I should send him off to a party and I go off to a Dance Party at the BK museum.  I hesitated for a moment thinking, that would be bad, he's too little, my sister won't have fun, she will have to watch him. He may get upset about something, he's going to miss me, he will play and run on the stairs and get hurt, geez, all the thoughts I had in that moment.  I took a deep breathe and thought about how independent he is, how responsible and amazing my sister is, how he needs to grow and lots of times it will be without me physically there.  I had all these thoughts and took another deep breathe and let him go.  I sat for a moment once he was gone and I said to myself, "self, I know you want to put on your pj's and curl up with your, The Dance of Anger, book by Dr. Harriet Lerner and just wait for your man to home so you can talk or not but you know you want to see Moni at the museum.  Get yourself up and get dressed and go to the museum, it's what you truly want to do even if you don't want to do it alone."  My dear friend Tomika met me at the museum and I got to hug both Tomika and Moni.  I've had them both on the brain and they are both such amazing women who inspire such greatness and strength.  They embody this for me and I love their energy, from day one, for each of them, respectively.  I went. I got dressed in my wanna be hipster gear and got in my car with all of 27 dollars. I panicked once I got to Brooklyn and realized I ONLY had 27 dollars on me.  Guess what, parking was $4.00 and the Museum was FREE! The smiles and hugs were Priceless.

I came home and Max was still out.  His dad asked, "Where's Max? Still at the party?" I said, "yes and he is having a great time and he will call me when he is on his way home." WOW, what an evening of growth.
3.3.12


Happy 4th.

Love transcends all things.  Trust in the wonder and power of your dreams.

Thank you for reading and Sharing.

Sharing is caring!
Love exists and Life is a miracle, treat it all as such.
Namastè.
In possibility,
Julie Jewels

YO SOY...

Soy Latina. No soy Latina de nacimiento pero de parte de mis padres. Mi Madre es Ecuatoriana y mi padre Puerto Riqueno. Naci aqui en Nueva York, criada en Corona, Queens.

Yo soy Latina en mi cultura, Latina en mi ser, Latina en mi corazon!

Mi espanol no es que se diga que bestia la tipa, si que sabe, pero me defiendo.  Nadien me enseno a escribir ni leer el espanol, yo solita lo aprendi.

No ah sido facil pero que es facil en la vida.

Yo soy Latina y tambien Norte Americana.

Soy orgullosa de ser Latina, ORGULLOSA de ser Mujer, Madre, Companera, Hija, Nieta, Tia, Sobrina, Madrastra, Amiga.

YO SOY LATINA!
JeWeLs En Espanol  <---- Check out my attempt at blogging in Spanish.

NAMASTE!

5.9.11 Brainstorm

The brainstorm started with a question:

"What is it you need to do?"

"I just need to LOVE and Nurse."

"Really?!? Since you won't be nursing your whole life what will you do after you stop nursing..."

Talk about inspiring a train of thoughts. What will I do once I stop nursing.

Figuratively, in reality, metaphorically, I've thought about what I would do but I haven't really truly thought about it.

When I learned I was pregnant my first thought was "wow, I have to learn how to nurse because that's the best thing for a baby." Next came, "Oh my God, I'm going to be a MOM! Holy Shit! What do I do now?" The third thought was, "Don't fret Julie, if this baby chose you and Jorge it's for a reason, everything is as it should be." The immediate thought after that was, "Are you kidding me? you a mom, you absolutely are not ready, it's biologically the right time but you are just not ready." The final thought in this barrage of thoughts was, "The reason he chose you now was cause you are ready, emotionally, physically, mentally, you are ready and not only that you are with the right Man." At this stage in my life I could only think of and want to have one child, I never wanted my child to be an only child and thank God for for his father he's not, Max is one of Five phenomenal and beautiful siblings.

Max is my first and only birthed son and Jorge's fifth child. What a blessing it is to be in this enormously beautiful family! (you know, I didn't always feel that way).

On April 11th of this year we celebrated Max's second birthday, it would have been my aunt Kathy's 46th birthday.  When Max born I stayed home with him until the day before we celebrated his 4th month of coming into the world. I went to work on August 11th and he went to stay with his grandma. Working from 9 am to 5 pm everyday kept me away from Max for too long. I remember one day being at work and my dear cousin was thinking they were doing me a favor by texting me pictures of my little boy and all I could do was cry cause I was not with him.  I missed him so much when I was at work. 

I would come home and play with him and then nurse him to sleep. I told myself I would only nurse until he was one and then a former colleague of mine suggested I try and go to 2 at least, "just take it one month at a time, but shoot for 2." A friend mentioned his mom nursed him until he was 3, and then I met a bunch of folks who were nursed until they were 2.5 and 3.  I really didn't know what I was going to do but figured I shouldn't rule either just yet. 

I come from a family of non nursers, I don't know for certain why this is the case but it is.

Women that are very close to me still are against it. In the past they had no qualms about expressing their displeasure to me and I have no qualms about shutting that down.

I remember once being out with some girlfriends and only one, I believe, was a mom and one was expecting and we talked about nursing and when I was going to stop and I said not yet.  One of my girlfriends joked and said my son will be asking, "hey mom where's my milk?"  Funny thing he says, "Mom, Max wants Milk, Mommy milk, not refrigerator milk."  When I decided to nurse I decided to nurse on demand, not a schedule that I create but on his desired schedule and I continue to do this.  I am very satisfied with my choice in this regard.  When I was working the nursing was a selfish thing because it was our own private Mommy/Max moment where we would connect and I would be able to nurture him and have him close all at the same time and noone could interfere.  All the things that took place in the day while we were apart would just fade away. It's our time.

It's such a blessing to be able to share that moment with my little boy.  

Max is a very healthy and smart boy and I attribute the health and intellect to many things and one is breastmilk.  I am of the school of thought that women have breasts to feed their young, that is the purpose of them. Sexuality is not the main reason for Breasts, LIFE is the reason.

I am currently unemployed and spend most days with my son and I continue to nurse, on demand. He drinks cow milk as well but he prefers "mommy milk."  I saw Julia Roberts on Oprah this week and there was mention of her child asking for cow milk, they made it into a joke and didn't clarify but I daresay the baby was referencing Cow milk as opposed to "mommy milk."  In these past two years I have not brought myself to taste the milk, I don't think that's kosher but with all the awesome and not so healthy food that I eat and the variety, the milk should always taste Tasty and different. Does that make sense? It does to me.

In the past two years Max has been so very healthy and strong. I attribute the healthy 70% to breastmilk.  If I couldn't nurse because it was too painful I would find a way to pump but I would have to give him the milk, I must!  I'm not very good at many things but this nursing thing, I got it down.  I'm still learning how to be a better mom and a good partner and decent daughter, sister and granddaugher but this nursing thing, it's just like breathing.

As I type I am thinking of other woman who I experienced nursing and I would say once I saw a woman nursing at a mall in Ecuador and everyone around her was mortified.  I use to see one of my dearest friends nurse her daughter and it was so natural and just embodied 'the right thing' and motherhood. It truly inspired me.

I know for sure I won't go past age 3 and I think that once I begin to potty train his thoughts and feelings about being nursed will change. 

Now if you asked me about nursing when I was 29 I probably would have looked at you sideways and told you how crazy you are, if you would have asked me at 33 I would have said, "Eh, I'll see what that's about." But since I was 36 when my son was born and on my path to to that Transformative Journey, I was and still am all over it!

My son woke me up this morning with purple daisies that he chose from the store for me, he chose the greeting card his father bought for me and he came to the bed and said, "Mama, happy mother's day, look what Max got!" After he brushed his teeth tonight he said, "Mamalee, I love you so much!"  During the course of my most favorite mother's day on record he said, "I'm so happy mamma! So happy!" "Mama Max is very excited, are you excited mama?" There is nothing I wouldn't do to keep that boys spirits healthy and strong.

What am I going to do once I stop nursing, I am going to Learn to LOVE better, yep, that is what I am going to do.

Happy Mother's Day to every single one of you reading this note because technically delivering a baby makes you a mother but in reality anyone who nurtures, coaches, likes, listens to,cures, celebrates, understand or just tries to understand, accepts, loves and lets go of their loved ones big and small is a mother.

LiveWell LoveMuch LaughOften

Namaste!

A note to a lovely lady in my life...

February 2011


You know Oprah Winfrey's mom gave up one of her daughters for adoption and it got me 


thinking, well that and alot of other things, but anyway. A mom, is a mom is a mom and a mom 


will only do what she knows. A person can only be who they are. I felt bad for Patricia when her 


mom denied her but then I thought, wow, it must really take a lot, and I mean a whole heck of a lot 


to give up your child for adoption. Oprah's mom is who I'm referencing here. So anyway, it's the 


most amazing ride ever! I promise you that. Tonight I slowdanced with Max in the kitchen while I 


was cooking dinner cause a song came on about bringing her home and it was about a dad 


bringing his daughter home and right after the song "With arms wide open" by Creed played, 


that song always got to me when I was pregnant. I feel like you just are never really ready but like 


you said it's all worth it.  I feel so blessed that Max chose me to be his mom and everyday I thank 


the Lord. I'm sure Max had his reason for 


choosing me and his dad, I don't know if I will ever know the reasons I just know I need to be the 


best mother to him, I can be. Again, it's hard but so worth it and so rewarding.


Breastfeeding is the best thing to do and it isn't easy so if you could find a support group or take 


a class or two, that would be helpful. It's new to you and to the baby so you have to be patient. 


And if it's done right , it does NOT hurt. Trust me. Max is so strong and smart and healthy and I 


attribute lots of that to the nursing. I still nurse and intend to nurse until I can - 3 years is my target 


but if he wants to stop at two, I will be fine with that. 


See if there are some programs for latina moms who are going to school to help 


supplement your income. There has to be, this Obama administration is all about healthcare and 


mommy's.



I love you and want you to enjoy every moment. Breathe deep and stay present because what 


you are currently experiencing is an enormous miracle. 


You are beautiful and I love you.


hugs.


FOOTNOTE: 
We weren't talking about adoption at all, I was talking about motherhood.




Namaste!