Sunday, March 4, 2012

First Draft:

3.3.12
I wrote the date on here yesterday morning and took a deep breathe but had nothing I wanted to share.

I had a basically normal Julie, the mom day yesterday.


March is always a powerful and nostalgic month for me. I was born March.

Last night my son went out to a birthday party with my sister and her family.  This was his first party without mom and he had such a great time.  It was Olivia's 5th birthday celebration and I've been wanting Max to hang out with Oli and her two brothers for a couple of years now, by a couple I literally mean two.  I went to hug two dear ladies in my life, at the Brooklyn Museum and was home by 11:00 pm.  Max has not stopped talking about how great the cake was or how awesome the party was.  He said to his dad this morning, as they brushed, "I sang happy birthday to my friend and it was fun. I started to be a little bit shy but then I wasn't shy anymore.  I ate a lot of cake, it was really good!"  What a conversation, what a moment.  I feel so honored and blessed to be Maximillian's mom and at the same time I'm like WHAT!? I'm Maximillian's mom.

Max is easily able to articulate his feelings.  At the ripe old age of 34 months, yes MONTHS, he can clearly identify what he is feeling and what his responses are and share.  It's amazing to me.  I know lots of it is coaching and I know that the most of it is that this is the person he was born to be.  It was not easy for me to let go and send my baby boy to a party with my sister and not go with him. It was tricky for me and a bit emotional.

I have been a stay at home mom now for a while and my attachment to my son is just as great as his attachment to me.  We spend every moment of every day together and I thank the Lord that we can.  I value the time and the opportunity and pray that my influence on him helps him to have the best life he can possibility have.  While speaking to an amazing mother last night, we both decided, we only do the best we can, and like Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better!"  My mom was a stay at home mom for most of my life and I know she always did and still does, only the best that she can.  I didn't turn out that bad, with her coaching, her love and therapy, in my later years, I have been able to live a pretty fabulous life.  I love, I laugh, I live.  I have so much experience and yet know nothing and am still growing.  I know these times will not return and the moments and the memories Max and I have created during this time will live in our souls always, in all of our lifetimes to come.  I only pray I am doing the appropriate things that will help him to thrive.

Last night I doubted for a minute I should send him off to a party and I go off to a Dance Party at the BK museum.  I hesitated for a moment thinking, that would be bad, he's too little, my sister won't have fun, she will have to watch him. He may get upset about something, he's going to miss me, he will play and run on the stairs and get hurt, geez, all the thoughts I had in that moment.  I took a deep breathe and thought about how independent he is, how responsible and amazing my sister is, how he needs to grow and lots of times it will be without me physically there.  I had all these thoughts and took another deep breathe and let him go.  I sat for a moment once he was gone and I said to myself, "self, I know you want to put on your pj's and curl up with your, The Dance of Anger, book by Dr. Harriet Lerner and just wait for your man to home so you can talk or not but you know you want to see Moni at the museum.  Get yourself up and get dressed and go to the museum, it's what you truly want to do even if you don't want to do it alone."  My dear friend Tomika met me at the museum and I got to hug both Tomika and Moni.  I've had them both on the brain and they are both such amazing women who inspire such greatness and strength.  They embody this for me and I love their energy, from day one, for each of them, respectively.  I went. I got dressed in my wanna be hipster gear and got in my car with all of 27 dollars. I panicked once I got to Brooklyn and realized I ONLY had 27 dollars on me.  Guess what, parking was $4.00 and the Museum was FREE! The smiles and hugs were Priceless.

I came home and Max was still out.  His dad asked, "Where's Max? Still at the party?" I said, "yes and he is having a great time and he will call me when he is on his way home." WOW, what an evening of growth.
3.3.12


Happy 4th.

Love transcends all things.  Trust in the wonder and power of your dreams.

Thank you for reading and Sharing.

Sharing is caring!
Love exists and Life is a miracle, treat it all as such.
Namastè.
In possibility,
Julie Jewels

14 comments:

  1. :) it was a healthy step for both of you. :) ... letting go is scary. We hope all the wisdom, knowledge, experience, warnings, advice, rules ... that when they are out in the world out from under our wings, all we can do is hope and have belief that they will be happy and safe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Healthy is the key right. Love you D. :) Hugs to you!

      Delete
  2. I'm glad you're on the path to not becoming the over protective mom! In my opinion if you're over protective with a child you tend to smother the kids emotional and social growth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :) It's not easy in any way and it is so rewarding and amazing. Thanks for your feedback Pierce! I appreciate it!

      Delete
  3. This is a really beautiful post. I love the combination of feelings and the expression of loss in growth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amanda, thank you honey. Now I just wish I knew which one of my three Amanda's you are... ;) oxoxox

      Delete
  4. This is a wonderful post. It really makes me recall all of the times that I wished my parents would let me experience more things without them as I was growing up. It also makes me greatful for all of the times that they protected me from potential harm / risk because that is all they knew how to do. It is so great that you have experienced this growth. Thank you for sharing this special time with us. It's a blessing to have such a devoted mother. I am sure that Max appreciates and cherishes you even at his tender age. God bless you both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tiffany thank you for reading, understanding and sharing your thoughts on my brainstorm. I'm so grateful to you for that!

      Delete
  5. Great post! One of the hardest things to do is let our litle ones spread their wings and fly. We wish we could be there for every single "what ifs" but that is not allowing them to experience everything this wonderful life has to offer. You tapped into the emotion of this process perfectly and allowed us to see how in turn it brought u joy. As mothers, we love, we guide and we are witnesses to how amazing these little humans have turned out to be. just because we learned to trust and believe!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much. Isn't motherhood the most amazing adventure ever! Every stage has its triumphs and challenges that in and of itself is it's own reward. I appreciate your thoughts my lady! Hugs to you.

      Delete
  6. A large aspect of raising children is the opportunity of watching ourselves grow as well. Letting go of our children is process. One of my favorite poets, Kahlil Gibran, said that our children "come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you". Motherhood is an adventure because it is a constant negotiation!

    And I would give my right arm to be a stay-at-home. Unfortunately I have no choice but to work to help support my family. I've always tried to rationalize it by saying, "I want my daughter to see that she can do it all, that she can have children, work, and enjoy life". But the fact of the matter is that all I want is for my business card to read "mother". Motherhood is the most fulfilling job I've ever had and I think you will NEVER regret this time with your son.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughtfulness and honesty. I will be sure to check out your blog. Namaste!

      Delete
  7. A very good read I love the Highs and lows of this blog. One of my favorites so far.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your share. I truly appreciate your feedback.

      Delete