Saturday, February 15, 2014

Flight Booking

I just finished booking my return flight to New York from Florida.

In my forty years of life, I'd never purchased a one way ticket to anywhere. A week ago yesterday I got the call, from my younger sister, of my grandfather's passing.  We were expecting it, I'd spoken to him earlier in the day to say my final goodbyes.  Grandpa had spent about four months in New York with us last year.  I took grandpa and grandma to the airport gate on January 1, 2014 and truth be told I said my goodbyes to him then. I cried so deeply and intently cause I knew in my mind that it was the very last time I would be able to hold his hand and look into his eyes and see his beautiful light shining as he smiled at me and nodded. I knew it, my heart refused to accept it (honestly my heart is refusing to accept it right now even though we buried his body this past week) but in my mind I knew it for sure; it would be the very last time I'd experience a moment with my dear Abuelito.

As soon as I got the call I took a deep breathe, I couldn't believe it, it was the most surreal thing I had ever experienced in my life. It was wild. I got the call in my bedroom and went down to the basement to let my partner know. I was breathing deeply and repeating the words slowly and in a quiet whisper. "Grandpa died, my grandpa passed away, my grandpa has transitioned, MY grandpa went home with the Lord, my GRANDPA is no longer part of the physical world."  I was repeating it and repeating it until I got to my beloveds arms and told him, I could not hold in the tears and the piercing pain of acknowledging the loss. Thankfully my beloved grounds me he soothes my soul and reminds me of all the amazing moments of love I shared with my Abuelito. He reminds me that we shared a special bond and even though he has transitioned from the physical world he will live eternally in my soul and in my heart. That is why my heart won't accept the loss cause my heart hasn't lost a thing.

Grandpa transitioned over a week ago, we had a wake for him and buried him the next day. 

My heart is heavy.

I just booked my return flight home but a huge part of my heart lives here in Florida, that piece will stay here always and flourish.  My grandfather, on the other-hand, he lives in my heart and soul forever.  No flights needed to see my grandpa again, all I have to do is close my eyes.

Love exists and Life is a miracle, treat it all as such.

Sat Nam,
Julie K. Aponte

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