Monday, November 18, 2013

Light is not lost on me...

This past year I had the opportunity to visit the place where one of my greatest loves, greatest blessings and greatest teachers originated.  My son's dad was born in paradise. I thank God his family found the strength to break away from such rich and beautiful lands full of spirit and love.  The experience was what I would call, "Una Experencia Religiosa!" a solemn and divine experience.

Every single day and night I extend my gratitude to my source for allowing me to walk this path with such a light in my heart and in my days. My school of thought is nothing is an accident and we create all things with our words, thoughts and actions.

My life has been a true journey, in all ways.  I don't have it better or worse than anyone in the world.  I stand in what is and attempt to stay still and be an instrument of peace and love.  This is my authentic intention and desire. 

When my friend told me he wanted to introduce me to someone I didn't think I was ready.  When he called me and said, "I have the perfect person for you to meet."  I told him I wasn't sure. I told him I just wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for a new relationship with anyone but myself. I explained how I was on a quest to get to know me and to heal me.  I tried to explain that I had never ever truly been alone. I told him how I was searching for the right words to forgive my inner-child and show her love. I further explained that if his friend was truly that perfect for me NOW then he probably wouldn't be perfect for me cause I'm not really where I think I need to be.  See my thirties, like for many, were definitely years of growth, self-awareness and personal exploration.  My friend has known me for several years and was quite familiar with my choices in partners. He was privy to lots of situations and relationship experiences that I had gone through. He was my mentor for a couple of years.  He was so insistent on my meeting his friend that at one point I said, "LB, if he is so great, you should date him!" My friend didn't find the humor in my statement and just kept on insisting.  Now don't get me wrong. I was all for blind dates.  I'd been on a couple in my day and didn't ever have a problem with that, not even when I went on that date with the Blind gentleman, my friend Joanna's friend, remember Karina? Truth be told I asked Joanna...Anyhow, I digress.  

I had gone through a very sobering life experience and I thought I would be too fragile and jaded to engage with anyone on a serious level. My friend didn't specify if this person was looking for something serious or not and I didn't ask, I just felt if my friend was introducing me to someone so perfect it wasn't for just non committed dating.  I talked to other friends and they all agreed I should meet this gentleman. They said I deserved perfection. I do have the greatest friends. My therapist gave me very good counsel and I agreed to meet LB's friend. 

We met, we talked, we laughed, we connected. It was great. I didn't expect anything and guess what, neither did he. It was the beginning of a magical relationship. I didn't want to be friends with him. I wasn't looking for another friend and I wasn't looking for another intimate relationship. I wasn't even looking for love, or maybe I was. The point is really I wasn't searching for anything outside of myself at that point.

There was a connection. It was pretty immediate and grew gradually.

We planted a seed and have nurtured it. We have had our ups and downs like any other relationship and  we find the beauty in our uniqueness. I am always me and he is always himself yet what we bring out in one another is truly only ours. Sometimes learning and growing for ourselves involves being in relationship with others.  The clarity of thought I received while standing on the side of that mountain with my son, his sister and his dad was one I will always hold in my heart and call upon to guide me when I start to get a little lost.  To always focus on my light...
Thank you to LB for being the Lord's messenger and making sure I met my soul's song, this lifetime and thank you to My son's father for being such a light in my life.  It goes without saying, my eternal gratitude to my source, to the Lord, to the universe.

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Thank you for reading and sharing.


In possibility.
Julie Jewels

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