Monday, June 11, 2012

That Purple Book & Letting Go

I've been keeping journals and diaries since I was about eight years old.  Last month I realized I lost one of my more recent journals, a pretty purple one. I looked in every place it could possibly be to no avail. 

The journal is gone, totally missing. 

Imagine my frustration.  

After discussing this loss of mine with a couple of special people I decided to let it all go. (But not before writing about it.)  For the past three years I have been dealing with lots of changes and many of them include letting go. 

Letting go, what a process.  

It's hard for me to let go when I am being FORCED to do it. If I have no choice in the matter I tend to get frustrated and resentful.  I prefer to have options, I prefer to make the choice. Over four and a half years ago I chose to stop smoking one day, I DECIDED and 'till this day I have never picked up a cigarette again.  A little over two and a half years ago I stopped eating at McDees, my most favorite bad food joint, and all fast food/drive thru spots, I have not regretted that choice for a minute. Truth be told, there have been a few seconds where I wanted a Burger from one of those places and then I remember how they do not serve food but processed, pink slime, crap and think, "That is NOT for me!"  These are wise and healthy choices and I made them myself but there have been times, like this loss of my journal, where I didn't make the conscious choice to let it go.  I didn't wake up one day and say, "I give up this journal, I let it go into the universe."  I lost it. I don't have a clue where it's gone.

I say it wasn't a conscious choice to let it go because my general school of thought is that we all create our own lives so I might have manifested this loss in some way, I just have no idea how.

I spent many hours writing in this pretty purple book, this particular journal brought me an awareness of several memories that my mind had filed away. This journal brought me lots of enlightenment, it's the first journal I've ever lost and the last if I can help it.  There was a time over 18 years ago that my daily planner was stolen, that time was insane and a milestone of growth and change as well. It took me about 2 years to let go of the loss of that stolen diary.  The person who stole it had very unhealthy intentions, thank goodness my true inner circle was not affected by that nonsense.  This day and age all of the folks in my life are healthy and loving folks with only positive and harmonious intentions so I know it's ok to let it go, if someone who is near and dear to me found it, it is safe. 

My dear friends Lisa and Amanda were the inspiration for the free writes in this now lost purple book of mine.  My brilliant friends discussed documenting a certain aspect of my life in chronological order.  You may or may not be familiar with the book The Artist's Wayby Julia Cameron.

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity [Book]

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron   - J.P. Tarcher/Putnam (2002) - Hardback - 237 pages - ISBN 1585421464

The Artist's Way is the seminal book on the subject of creativity. An international bestseller, millions of readers have found it to be an invaluable guide to living the artist's life. Still as vital today-or perhaps even more so-than it was when it was first published one decade ago, it is a powerfully provocative and inspiring work. In a new introduction to the book, Julia Cameron reflects upon the impact of The Artist's Way and describes the work she has done during the last decade and the new insights into the creative process that she has gained. Updated and expanded, this anniversary edition reframes The Artist's Way for a new century.

In The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron highlights a process called, "Morning Pages," it's basically a process where you write three pages non-stop first thing in the morning for 84 days. The principal is to inspire a stream of consciousness.  I used this process with this purple journal of mine, the only difference was my pages were "Evening Pages."

I am grateful to Lisa and Amanda for the suggestion and to Julia Cameron for introducing me to this type of journaling. I guess that purple book already served it's purpose.

Now with this share I release all of my attachment to that purple book. I let go of all the fear and frustration that wrapped up this fearful loss. I move forward consciously with the knowledge and conviction that my thoughts and musings are always mine and mine alone no matter where that purple book has gone.  I let go, I release you, thank you little purple book.


IMPORTANT UPDATE: After letting go of the journal it has returned. Ah the joys of the universe.  I am forever grateful!

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