Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Randomness on Domestic Abuse

A Facebook Note by Jewels Aponte on Sunday, February 22, 2009 at 10:54am

A woman I work with posted a status on her facebook it was: gonna have to discuss Chris Brown/Rihanna and domestic violence with the kids this week...sigh. 

My response was: Julie K. Aponte at 10:47am February 22 
You know Ms..., I had a short but thorough conversation with Mr....the other day at the office (The Leadership Program ) and it was highlighted in a very articulate fashion how much of a teachable moment that is. It's a bit challenging I think,however; this is I must tell you one of the reasons I got into this business other than not having any influential women of color role models in my academic years, being involved in a physically abusive relationship at 17 Made me want to work with kids to make sure this doesn't happen... I feel that this is an opportunity to teach both the boys and the girls. Maybe partnering up with a counselor from victim services and opening up the dialogue with the kids. My family taught me that this wasn't even in the realm of possibility in my world yet I allowed the abuse. It wasn't until I saw my face one day after the worst of all the fights and made the connection to Heda Nussbaum, I decided I had to do something. Nobody really ever discussed it and when him and I use to fight only I would keep it between us. At the victim services office I saw a poster that had roses on top of a casket and the tag line read he beat her 373 times and only sent her flowers ONCE! Then and there I decided Not Me, Never again and I have a responsibility to help young peole build their self esteem so as to not resort to this violence... 

so take a deep breathe and go be that fabulous teaching enlightenment venue for those kids. :) Happy Sunday! 

So now, what do you think?



  1. My dear Julie, I dont understand how people can be so inhumane. There is no other word to describe the type of treatment you must have recieved to be able to relate to that ad on such a personal level.
    Sometimes people dont have the capacity to show their emotions and feelings any other way than with violence. As you mentioned you were taught at home that abusive behavior is wrong. I dont know who that guy was or what his upbringing was like. Education dtarts at home and unfortunatly not everyone has parents like you have. That is why I agree that where parents fail, the community must take over.

    The type of workshops you speak of are just what many communities need. They should be availible in schools, community centers, health clinics and so on.

    I commend you for being you, for being strong! Most of all for offering your help.

  2. Hey Freddy, thanks for reading the blog and for honestly and lovingly sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate it!

    I must tell you, I have mixed emotions about the relationship I was involved in. He was disrespectful and abusive but I'm the one who gave him all the power. I had very little to no self esteem the entire time I was in relationship with him. The emotional, mental and physical abuse was really but and I'm glad I came out of it a stronger woman. You know when he abused I abused right back, it was a two way street. It was wrong on all counts. I don't blame his folks or mine or society for that matter cause when my friends attempted to intervene I was rude to them. I disrespected myself and my family. I'm sorry that it happened and I regret staying in the relationship for as long as I did as the relationship was but I don't regret the love I felt and the power I felt when I finally let go and said so long. I only wish every case could end in a positive way. I will never forget a women I use to work with at Koeppel Nissan, she was killed at work, at Koeppel Volkswagen Back in the mid '90's.

    It was scary and sad, yet and still I didn't think I was in that kind of danger.
    Galina was such a light, a beautiful spirit who would always bring flowers to the pre-owned cars lot, where I worked and always had something kind to say. I was very lucky, thank God!